Ridiculous Assertions
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: When I make them, they're basically canon.


I do not own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim to. Happy tragic after holidays! Fictional characters share not only my hilariously obvious abstinence education based sexual and gender views, but my religious views as well, because...uh...assertions! Do not attempt to challenge my characterization, under penalty of a severe tongue lashing based deviantART journal rant.

D'Void wandered aimlessly in his posh mansion slash citadel in the Null Void. A bunch of Null Guardians followed him around, because they were his loveable pets, whom he loved, with all the love he could ever love. LOVE! He's a good man. Not a tyrannical, diabolical, ruthless overlord, formerly a sadistic, psychopathic, socially maladjusted mad scientist, like some idiots out there characterize him as. What obnoxious losers they are.

"Expository line of dialogue, for the hundredth time, reiterating basic plot points, and current story driven events," D'Void stated. "Also, it's CHRISTMAS TIME!"

Suddenly, everything was properly decorated, with stereotypical American respective holiday time decor. D'Void finished putting up the star on the tree. His Mary Sue babies were dressed like angels, and one was dressed like the baby Jesus. They all sat inside the Nativity scene D'Void had placed outside the citadel.

"On the first Noel," D'Void sang, while throwing tinsel about. He picked up a cup of egg nog. "I'm so glad I have my loving family of Null Guardians here on this festive, Pagan-spawned holiday, which I most certainly celebrate, with the utmost devotion, despite my canon status as being a fucked up weirdo mad scientist, and sometimes super powered tyrannical overlord," he said. "A lot of people who don't believe in anything commit suicide during this time of the year, that for whatever reason, we are able to decipher it is, despite being in another fucking dimension, with no real concept of space of time, and the exact way it works here. That's sad, isn't it?" He shoved a candy cane into his mouth. "I hope Santa can get into the Null Void to bring me lots of awesome presents, and surely not the lump of coal I would be deserving!"

Well, of course Santa can make it into the Null Void. He's Santa. A Level 48 inter-dimensional space-time based specular entity. Duh!

D'Void set out milk and cookies, and a slice of cake, on a plate in the living room. He ran back upstairs, and jumped into bed. He was wearing his feety pajamas.

During midnight, he got mischievous. He got up to check his tree.

"Help me! Somebody, help!" cried a voice.

D'Void giggled. He ran downstairs. "Ha, I fucking got you, SANTA!"

His Santa trap had worked brilliantly. Now the cheerful elf-demon was caught inside the trap, being snarled at by various sob-shrieking Null Guardians.

"Now you have to give me presents, even though I'm a horrible person, despite certain weeaboos constantly attempted, and most often violent assertions that I am a nice, kindly, loving old dude who wouldn't have PETA after my ass, daily," he laughed. He wrung his hangs together, in a mannerism characteristic of stereotypical evil.

"If I give you presents, will you release me? I have more planets to deliver Christmas cheer to! Even though some of them have never heard of this holiday!" pleaded Santa.

"Maybe," responded D'Void. He opened the trap, and jumped into Santa's lap.

Santa sighed. "What do you want for Christmas...er...little boy?"

"I want the corpses of all my enemies, including that punk, Ben Tennyson, and whoever the Wrench is," D'Void stated. "That's what I want, Santa!"

"Murder? B-but...I can't bring myself to do that!" Santa cried.

"Oh, well then. Then stay in the trap until you starve to death, fat man!" D'Void yelled.

"No, please, I have a wife and ten thousand elves back home!" Santa cried. He slumped his shoulders. "I...I'll do it." He rubbed his finger to the side of his nose. Sparkles flew out. Suddenly, a huge box appeared. It smelled terrible. Like blood, and feces. "There. It's...done," Santa said, before crying a little.

"Oh boy!" D'Void exclaimed. He ran to the present. He began ripping open the wrappings. He took off the lid. Inside were the corpses of all his enemies. "Yay, just what I wanted! This is the best Christmas ever!"

Santa sobbed hysterically, because someone had to.

"Hey, you know your name scrambles into SATAN, right? That's not a coincidence, kids," D'Void noted. He then stabbed the demon in the heart during a proper exorcism. "Keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas, you heathenish fuckers. I do." He saluted the American flag, while Joy To The World played.

The End


End file.
